Celebration of Life and What Dreams May Come

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us"

-- Joseph Campbell

Tomorrow is Micah's 9th birthday.  We had a birthday dinner with Rich's side of the family on Sunday.  He got an awesome Minecraft Cake!  Tomorrow I will be taking cupcakes for his class.  Saturday he and his cousin will have a co-birthday at the bowling alley with friends from school.

We had an issue today when his Great-grandfather send him a card and five dollars.  I don't know when we will learn to be more strategic with things like this.  As soon as he opened it, he wanted to go to the Dollar Tree and spend it.  No amount of convincing could make him understand that the most logical thing to do would be to save it until the weekend to see if he got any other money.  Then he could put the money together and buy something better than a $1.00 toy or 5 $1.00 toys that would be broken in a few short days.  The meltdown lasted about a half an hour - lots of "you don't care about my birthday" and "you just want to torture me".  Lots of hitting himself on the head and throwing rocks at my head.  (We were trying to take a nice family walk at the lake)  Needless to say it turned into a fiasco!  I was able to get the $5 back in my possession during one of his diva moments where he threw the money in the lake.  I was able to fish it out and put the soggy mess in my pocket (all without falling in - that is impressive, knowing my klutzy nature).

So far his birthday celebration has had some ups and downs but tonight I am struggling with something much deeper than cake and balloons.  My child is about to be 9.  His grandparents have asked me what they should get for him.  I'd really like for them to give him something that is not tangible and won't break in a couple weeks to a month.  But, bottom line: I just don't know.  At 9, most kids are involved in something - church group, sports, Cub Scouts, music lessions....

Micah's main interest, dare I say only interest, is in electronics/video games.  If it has a controller or buttons to push and he can be in control - that is what he wants to be doing.  I am having a real issue with this.  I know that video games are a typical male interest, but it is not usually their only obssession.  I worry that if we don't find him a broader range of interests he will continue down a narrow path of isolation. I know that he has a creative side in him and like others in my family, including myself this is a way to release and find solace within. The hard part is figuring out his mode of creativity.

I have mentioned several ideas to my parents of "out of the box" gifts that they could give him.  Guitar lessons, gymnastics, Kung Fu, art lessons, lego camp.  They said they are willing to do whatever we want.  The problem is that we can't decide on anything.  Don't get me wrong, I have no irrational dreams of this sweet child ever playing a sport.  He made it clear early on that he had no desire.  (My other child can't wait to put a helmet on and a ball in his hands)  I just draw such a blank when it comes to Micah.  When we talk through each idea there are always barriers - what if he hates it and we have wasted the money.  What if he gets mad at the instructor and throws the guitar and breaks it.  What if Kung Fu back fires and he uses it in ways that are contradictory from that which it is intended.  There are risks associated with any of these ideas but should that mean we never try them? 

I just want to find a way to bring him more joy.  But maybe my struggle is in trying to create a future for him that does not and potentially, will not ever exist.  Maybe the road he chooses to walk cannot be easily explored within a functioning extra-curricular.  This is just not where I thought we would be with him at 9 years old.  A friend of mine once told me that I may have to dream a different kind of dream for Micah, given his challenges.  I believe that is true.  However, believing it and being able to let go enough to do it - two different things.

When asked what he wanted for his birthday he did say "I want to go to Atlantis" - you know, the all inclusive vacation destination.  Yeah, me too buddy.  Me too.  I guess that is a dream we can both share!



Happy Birthday Micahboo!  We love the snot out of you!
Whatever path you choose - we will support every step,
although you may have to tell your momma to not be so controlling!





Perspective and Prayer

Micah had his first appointment with his new therapist today and although he made me stay in with him I think it went fairly well.  She is different from the last therapist in that she is going to make him talk.  I am sure this will annoy him to no end, but fingers crossed that she will make progress with him. 

After the appointment we had a little time to kill so he talked me into going to the pet store. We looked at the fish, snakes (shudder), spiders (double shudder), lizards, guinea pigs, hamsters, cats and dogs. They even let him play with one of the puppies. He begged for a puppy or a hamster. He teetered on the verge of meltdown. I promised we would come back after every therapy session and that seemed to suffice.  

Oh how this helped his heart! He loves animals so much more than humans. :)  I wish we could find him a little job helping at a pet store or dog kennel or the animal shelter.  Maybe when he gets older.

We then went to see his dermatologist.  He had a flare up of his eczema a few weeks ago and had to go on an oral steroid.  His skin was good for a couple of days after ending the steroid. 
Sunday we noticed a few bumps.  Some looked like bug bites while others were more concerning.  Monday night he was itching and picking like crazy.  The bumps were multiplying and several were puss-filled.  It was insane how quickly they became infected.  Thank goodness we had the follow up with the dermatologist today.  She did a skin culture - could be strep, could be MRSA - won't know for a week. 

We left with more prescriptions - topical steroids, topical antibiotics and a suggestion of going back to the allergist for allergy shots (been there, did that, did not get the t-shirt - we quit before they told us not to come back!).  Now that he is a couple of years older we may attempt allergy shots again.  He balked at her when she mentioned them but I explained that it would help the eczema and better his chances of owning a cat when he gets older.  That raised an eyebrow....so we will see.

I fully intended to write a lengthy blog post tonight - about all of the stupid medications and doctor's appointments, the fact that CVS is the only place in town that knows me by name, my mounting prescription bill each month....Moan that it takes an hour to lather Micah down with all of his lotions and potions, which by the way, goes over about the same as giving a cat a bath. 

That is what I intended....I was annoyed and tired and wanted everyone to be fully aware of how over it I am!

                                                                         BUT

then I sat down to catch up on facebook and read this:

http://jakesfightagainstewingssarcoma.blogspot.com/2013/04/jadedtired.html

and I saw this:



My sweet cousin Jake - starting 9th chemo treatment today!

My perspective shifted.  Ya know what?  Eczema is irritating.  CANCER ABSOLUTELY SUCKS! 

Jake is an amazing kiddo who has superhero parents!  I hope you will join with me in lifting Jake and his family up in prayer.

We have lift off

Micah has been at his new school for a week.  He was supposed to take the bus to the school on the first day, which caused me to be a nervous wreck.  A new school and a new experience of riding a bus!  I ended up taking him to school that first morning because the bus did not come.  I found out later that the bus was just running late.  God's mercies that morning were probably more for me than him.  He probably would have been just fine - stepping off a brand new mode of transportation into a whole new learning environment.  Probably....but, given how he reacted when we got to the school  - probably not.

Anxiety set in as we pulled up.  He cussed, kicked, cried.  I pulled, persuaded, prayed.  The teacher worked hard to encourage him into the building.  I reminded him of the message our Pastor shared the day before from Isaiah 41:10 "So don't be afraid.  I am here, with you; don't be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, help you.  I am here with My right hand to make right and to hold you up."  (The Voice)  Micah screamed, "I know...but I still don't want to go!"  It must have been divine intervention because somehow I got him to go inside.  He sat on my lap and as the teacher talked

about bugs and teeth and donuts his grip on my arm loosened.  I slipped out the door and repeated the Isaiah 41:10 mantra for the rest of the day.

Micah rode the bus back to his home school for after-school care.  It must have gone well because I did not get a call.  He met me at the door that evening and the first words out of his mouth were, "AWESOME DAY!"  An awesome first day and five other equally impressive days.  Day two the kiddo boarded the school bus like a pro.  He made a friend.  He has been telling us about what he is learning about.  He has been smiling and laughing. 

I almost feel guilty about being apprehensive about sending him.  This has been what he needs.  I pray this winning streak continues. I do not know if he loves school now or if even likes it.  I CAN say with confidence that he does not HATE school anymore.