My favorite space

Dear God,

My favorite space in your creation is sitting on the beach at night.  I hate the beach during the day.  No offense.  It’s crowded, hot, and sticky.  Plus, bathing suits? That’s a hard pass.  But night.  At night the crowds die down, sometimes a breeze floats over the water, and the sun begins its descent toward the horizon. 

It was well within your right to just flip the switch from day to night. No easing us into it, no 30-minute warning – just, lights out, go home and go to bed!  Instead, you make the decision to create an extravagant display of your glory - every.single.night!  Maybe not every single night, but pretty darn close.  And you could have made a sunset template with the same clouds and colors on a continuous replay loop.  But no!  Instead, you reveal your creative spirit in a new and different way each day.  May we never grow weary of marveling at this glimpse of you.

And just as the sun hits the water before resting until daybreak, a stream of light splits in three directions.  Beams of shimmering light, dancing and stretching across the expanse of sea, resembling the shape of a cross.  The artist signs His masterpiece.

I delight in sunsets.  But, when it becomes dark, only the moon illuminating the sky...that’s what my heart yearns for.  I sit on the shore, my toes sifting the sand between them.  The constant chatter in my head grows silent.  In my world, the only sound I hear is crashing on the shore over and over and over again.  There is a rhythm to it, a cadence.  The womb and heartbeat of Abba Father.  My soul rests in the promise of your waves.  No matter what is happening in my life or in the world, the sea will always rush to shore and retreat into itself again. 

Your presence surrounds me in those dark, rhythmic moments filled with intimacy and restorative power.  I feel safe and seen and loved.

**unknown photographer

True Acceptance, True Belonging, Unconditional Love

Growing up, my family would make an annual pilgrimage north.  The drive from Florida to Michigan was an excruciatingly long trip.  Sometimes it would take 20 hours, depending on how many times we stopped.  As we entered Michigan, we would move from interstate to country roads.  The ups and downs of the back roads felt like a rollercoaster from the back seat.  My stomach would drop with each wave of pavement.  Looking out the front window to the horizon was the only way to ease my car sickness. 

In my mind, getting to the edge of town seemed to take forever.  Finally, familiar landmarks would come into view.  I’d spy Gene’s Shell station out the window and I could barely contain myself.  I would shake with excitement and sometimes an “EEP” would slip out of my mouth!  One more turn and we would arrive at our destination. 

The brown Burgee Insurance building (now Edward Jones) on the right side of the road indicated it was time to turn.  That brown building was like a large “welcome home” sign.  We would turn into the narrow driveway leading to the house and I could feel myself bouncing in my seat.  My parents, on the other hand, sat still, letting go a collective sigh.  The long journey was over; until it was time to head south.

The side door of the charming Cape Cod would open and there stood my Grandpa.  He was dressed in coveralls, arms open wide, with a smile so big you could see his gold filing.  He would lean down for a big, sloppy kiss that made a loud “mwah” sound.  Then he’d scoop me up in his arms for a great, big hug and say “Oh, oh, oh” through a jolly chuckle.  My grandma would greet us in the kitchen, usually with a towel in hand, having just sat down a plate of cookies.  She was a beautiful woman with high cheek bones, porcelain skin, and the most delicate smile.  As only the best hostesses do, she’d insist you come right in, sit down and relax. 

The same anticipation and excitement came over me every single time we made the trip, no matter how old I was.   Pulling into that driveway meant I was about to see two people who loved me like I was their own grandchild and treated me no differently.  True acceptance, true belonging, unconditional love.  It meant I was going to see my three sisters.  Sisters by marriage, but what did that matter to us.  It meant I was going to see my aunt and uncle and cousins who I loved spending time with as well.  I tried so hard to enjoy those times because I knew our time together would fly by and before I knew it we would be headed back home.

I often wished the United States could be rearranged so Michigan and Florida were closer together.  I would daydream about what it would be like to live near my Michigan family on a daily basis.  Our summers together were often full of adventure, fighting, and family meetings.  In the moment, I think we all wondered how we would ever survive each other.  But, as I look at the totality of my life, those summer memories are precious treasure hidden deep within my heart. 

The tradition of a yearly trip continued as an adult.  The driveway we pulled into was different, but the anticipation and excitement had not changed.  What became harder were the goodbyes.  I not only had to say goodbye, but my kids did too.  The tears would come as my daydreams faded through the rearview mirror. 

The other day I was driving towards the grocery store and I had a thought that broke my heart.  I passed Gene’s shell station and realized that the landmark no longer evokes the same emotions it once did.  The first couple of months after moving to Michigan, I would drive past my grandparent’s old house and those familiar landmarks and pinch myself.  I just couldn’t believe we were living in Michigan.  My daydreams had finally become reality.  That was a year ago.

My last year in Georgia was a difficult year.  I spent it walking through the stages of grief.  I was grieving relationships with people who were still very much alive, which I think is one of the hardest kinds of grief.  But, the Lord taught me some valuable lessons about myself and others.  Slowly, I was able to heal, grow, and move forward. 

But, again, I find myself cycling the stages of grief.  My reality in Michigan looks nothing like I had envisioned or planned and that has been hard for me to accept. 

Maybe my expectations were unrealistic or were not in line with the expectations of others.  Anne Lamott once said, “Expectations are resentments waiting to happen”.  I can see that could be true.  So, is the solution to live a life with no expectations?  That seems a lot easier said than done.  Expectations are hard to let go of, especially if they are ones you have been building up your whole life.  God, why would you allow our move to Michigan not meet my expectations?  Many sleepless nights I’ve contemplated this and searched for a way to fix it. 

I have sat on this post for several days, not knowing how to end it.  Wouldn’t it be great if there was a neat and tidy bow wrapped around it – a happily ever after? 

Instead, God gave me His explanation of things as I watched the Easter service this morning.  I had to laugh through my tears.  The process God uses to show Himself and His love does not match up with our expectations of God and His love.  We tend to think that if God loves us He should meet our expectations and bless us with a life exactly as we envisioned.  Uncomplicated, right?

But, if I am honest, I cannot think of a single time my life has worked out this way.  So, why should I expect it to now?  Over and over the complexity of life, the complexity of relationships – the hurts, heartbreaks, and heaviness have lead me to think, surely this cannot be from the Lord.  But…

What if, He uses this process of revealing our humanness to further illuminate His holiness?  What if He separates us from our expectations to make room for Him to move and work supernaturally in our lives?  What if through this process of examining and refining our hearts, we learn how to communicate, forgive, and love more like Jesus?  What if His process of showing Himself and His love far exceeds anything we could have ever have dreamed, planned for, or expected?

The process God uses to show Himself and His love does not match up with our expectations of God and His love.  Hearing this today has been a game changer (which ironically was the name of the sermon)! 

I am ready to stop my lamenting and questioning.  I am ready to unclench my fistful of expectations and allow God…

Ways to Survive the Playground Bully

I’m no Hemmingway, but I am trying to get the creative juices flowing…because that is the kind of thing you are supposed to do during a quarantine.  Right?  It feels like there is an expectation that you have do something meaningful, big or important, so you can emerge from your quarantine cocoon a beautiful butterfly.  Build an addition to your home, learn a new language, train for a marathon, lose 30 pounds, develop a cure for cancer, help your fifth grader graduate early, write a novel…

Friends, I have done none of this.  In fact, when this is all said and done, I may not physically be able to burst out of my cocoon because I will be in a carb coma, will have no upper (or lower) body strength, and my butt will be asleep for sitting too long.   

But, I am attempting to write. Quite possibly, this post will be like the first pancake coming off the griddle.  It’s not like I have anything to share that hasn’t already been posted or made into a meme.  But, maybe, vomiting words on a page will help process all the mental and emotional garbage that seems to overflow at the most inopportune times.  Maybe it will help others feel not so abnormal, especially if they find themselves self-isolating with the various stages of grief, like me. 

I struggle to understand how we even got here, to this quarantine.  It’s like we were innocently playing tetherball on the playground, blissfully unaware of anything around us.  And then, BAMM, the school bully snuck up behind us, gave us a wedgie, and kicked us in the nuts.  Now, half us of are sitting patiently (as directed by the teacher) with an ice pack on our crotch, waiting for the swelling to go down.  The other half says “ice packs are for babies” and have joined the bully in his wedgie/nut crushing tirade.  

It all feels so very hard, so heart-breaking, so hopeless.  Parents are finding themselves in a “substitute teaching” position, which they are completely unqualified for. Teachers are scrambling to create engaging and creative virtual teaching models with little to no notice or assistance.  Our high school seniors have no place to flaunt their senioritis – no prom, no senior skip day.  Essential workers are being used by the economically privileged as human shields.  Lord, have mercy on our healthcare workers – they are in a war zone!  I cannot even fathom having to make decisions about who is worthy of testing, who is worthy of medical supplies, who is worthy of saving.  How dare we play armchair quarterback to those in the medical field who are sacrificing months of time and physical touch with their families in order to save ours.  And, I’m sorry.  I just. cannot. even. with these political leaders! 

I have to remember there is another side to this story.  The positives – Italians singing on their balconies.  The helpers, like my aunt who is sewing like a mad woman to make masks for healthcare workers.  The humor - the ability to laugh in the midst of this mess.  I realize some people feel like it is in bad taste to make jokes during a crisis like this.  I don’t know.  There are just times you have to laugh to keep from crying. The laughter does not devalue the seriousness of our current reality. 

Confession: I spend way too much time on social media these days – crying at uplifting videos, reading inspiring posts, and giggling to myself at silly memes.  Solidarity around “homeschooling”, social distancing, the Tiger King, emotional eating…all hand-delivered to us through cute, hilarious, belly laughing memes, tweets, and videos.  Who are you wonderful people and how do you come up with this stuff?  How I covet your ability to parody songs; create or re-create tik tok dance videos, and share your heart through your writing (yes, I’m talking to you Melissa Radke, Anne Lammott, Jen Hatmaker, and Brene Brown - it’s like y’all are in my head, speaking the truths of my heart)! 

Technology is a blessing and a curse, but I choose to focus on the gift of instant connection during this time of physical isolation. Our church buildings are closed, but technology allows us to continue to worship collectively.  Broadway and theatres around the nation are using technology to prove that the show MUST and WILL go on.  There are many schools supporting distance learning through online platforms.  And, how thankful are we for the plethora of ways we can connect with everyone we love, even if we can’t reach out and touch them.  Btw, Gen Xers – can you imagine if this happened when we were in middle and high school?  Holy busy signal, folded notes and mixed tapes through the mail, and song dedications on the radio (this one goes out to that special someone…you know who you are). 

My takeaways from this word vomit: 

1) Find a way to process this “unprecedented” moment of history, but do not feel pressure to accomplish grandiose/life changing things. 

      2) Acknowledge the hard, heart-breaking, hopeless stuff.  Help where you can, take time to thank those essential helpers, do your part to make the swelling go down, and pray.

      3) It’s okay to laugh.

      4) Embrace technology and find ways to connect with other people.

Wonder if we survived the 30 day program?

We did it! Four weeks ago, we embarked on a journey that seemed scary and foreign to us. We eliminated foods that were addictive, inflammatory, and acidic and replaced them with whole, organic foods through the Arbonne 30 days to health living program.

I am super proud of us! Richard lost a total of 13.4lbs and 2” at his belly. I lost a total of 18.8lbs and 4” at my belly. We have learned so much about the food we eat and how it affects us. We have seen other incredible results like:

- Noah can handle life without ADHD medication. We are in a pilot program right now and he may have to go back on it if he cannot stay away from the foods that cause him to be hyper and unfocused in school (I suspect gluten is the culprit). I love having him off of the ADHD medication because he has his personality back! The ADHD medication helps him in school, but it strips him of his amazing personality.

- Although Micah did not do the program with us he has seen benefits too. He has lost weight and his eczema, allergies (runny nose), and over all mood (anger issues, sadness, and irritability) are so much better when he is gluten and (refined) sugar free. We have found a lot of GF and SF foods that he will eat. His diet is still brown and processed, but it is better than the fast food and the processed foods he was eating.

- I am sleeping better. I used to fall asleep between midnight and 3am most nights. Now, I am fighting to stay awake until midnight. Also, no more night sweats or getting up a million times to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night! My goal is to be completely off a C-PAP machine. (ok, confession – I do not wear my C-PAP machine like I should…but my goal is to not even have a need for one)

- I am getting up early on the weekends! I was awful about sleeping until 10am – sometimes noon on the weekends. Now, I am getting up no later than 9am. It’s amazing what you can get accomplished when you don’t sleep the day away!

- No more feeling bloated or having indigestion all the time. I used to be gassy all the time (TMI, I know, but an important victory!)

- I can hear again! My ears were so bogged down with eczema that I could not hear my voice (especially when I sang). My ears no longer constantly itch and I can hear my voice again. It no longer sounds like I am under water.

- I have energy! Energy to play on the trampoline.  Energy to get laundry done. Energy to make it through the day without feeling like a need a nap or yawning all the time. My energy level stays consistent throughout the day. I do not think I will go back to drinking coffee (whhhhhaaaaa????). The fizz sticks give me the extra “get up and go” in the morning without giving me a mid-morning headache and without giving me coffee breath!

- My depression and anxiety are remarkably better! I am no longer ditching social interactions or having ruminated negative thoughts. I am connecting with others instead of isolating myself. I can walk through my emotions without feeling like I need to drown them in a pan of brownies! My mood is more consistent. I am more fun to be around, in fact, I even like being around myself now! 😊

I feel like a million bucks!!!

Before we started the 30 days, we purged everything in our kitchen that did not meet the guidelines of the program. There were a few items that my mother in law kept in her closet (she did not do the full detox with us). One of these items was a loaf of Wonder bread that we bought earlier that week. Almost five weeks later, that loaf of Wonder bread looks the same as it did the day we bought it. Not one speck of mold! Y’all.  Seriously.  What are we putting into our bodies?

So, what now? Well. We have learned things on this journey that we just cannot unlearn. This program has changed us for good. Richard and I are going to do a 2nd month of the 30 day detox program. The kids are going to modify their diet to eat gluten, dairy, and sugar free (except for when they are away from us and they know we cannot control what they put in their mouth).

I feel so good about the changes that we have made through this program that I just cannot stop telling others about it. I may or may not be a little obsessed.  But when you feel as good as I do – why wouldn’t you want that for others? I made the decision to be an Independent Arbonne Consultant for a couple of different reasons. Honestly, my motivation at first was just to get 50% off the detox kits. But now, I want to give others the gift that my friend, Kristin, gave me and my family. Kristin’s decision to change her life through the Arbonne program gave me the inspiration and motivation to change too. For that, I am forever grateful to her! I love you, Kristin!

I am also so grateful to my friend, Eliza, who encouraged me to blog about this experience. My goal is to continue blogging – about our changed life and about our unscripted crazy life in general.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your encouragement this past month. It only gets better from here!

Week Three

Richard and I have never been very good at dating. Maybe if we went on more frequent dates we would get better at them, but I doubt it. Every couple has their strengths - dating is not ours. One time we hoodwinked someone into keeping our kids overnight. We planned a nice dinner and an overnight stay at a hotel in a neighboring town. We even sprung for a jacuzzi room. It was a disaster. We overate at dinner. He got sick and was in the bathroom half the night. I had indigestion and gas. We were both miserable. The jacuzzi room? Yeah. It was a jetted tub in the bathroom. If it had been early on in the relationship I doubt there would have been another date.

Most of our dates consist of coffee and uninterrupted conversation in the McDonalds parking lot, but sometimes, we go grocery shopping. I am not complaining. I cherish that time together. Plus, it’s really hard to screw up a date at the grocery store.

Yesterday we had the opportunity to spend time together as the boys went to play at a friend’s house. Whole Foods was chosen date destination. This shopping trip looked so different from the one we had only three weeks ago. Of course, our kids were not with us screaming, “DO WE NEED ORGANIC?”, so that makes a difference.

I used to dread going to the grocery store. I would scour the ads, download and cut coupons, and make my menu. My grocery list always seemed to be a mile long and I would come home with several things that were not on my list to begin with. Yesterday, my list was a third of what it used to be. I was not concerned with getting a good deal on meat or saving $1.00 off of Cheerios. I was not tempted to deviate from my list. I did buy a couple of the most beautiful heirloom tomatoes, but tomatoes (technically) were on my list - so I don’t consider that an impulse buy.

We had such a great time together - grocery shopping.  There was so much satisfaction in knowing that we were selecting foods that are going to nourish our family and make us healthier. I am so proud that we are learning together and doing this as a team!

I continue to be amazed by how much has changed in just three weeks! This past week was a different than the first two because we did the 7 day cleanse. I was a little nervous about a “cleanse” based on what I have heard or experienced with other cleanses. I thought I may have to hold meetings via conference call from the bathroom. It was not like that at all, but I do feel a whole lot cleaner!

This work week was emotionally taxing. It was the kind of week where the “why” of what I do came under scrutiny. Thankfully, I have a solid answer to the “why”, but it still makes the heart heavy and the soul grow weary. This type of week would typically have me getting about three or four hours of sleep a night - tossing and turning, replaying every decision and conversation in my head, and heading to the kitchen for comfort food in the wee hours of the morning. Instead, I was able to process my thoughts and emotions in a healthy manner and actually sleep. In fact, I have been falling asleep before midnight, which is unheard of for me!

Other results/victories we have had this week:

• I went to small group at Dairy Queen. Home of the chocolate extreme blizzard. No craving for anything there, no feelings of depravity, no temptation.

• We went to the movies to see Peter Rabbit and we did not get anything at the concession stand.

• I went to the doctor for an injury to my elbow. I was able to tell the doctor that the pain and inflammation was better because of actions I had taken with my diet, instead of waiting for him to give me the answer on a prescription pad.

• There is less garbage - figuratively and literally.  We do not fill up the garbage can as quickly because there is less packaging from processed foods.  

• We made a grilled cheese for Micah - brown rice bread and non-dairy cheese, which he said was “Legit” and he ate the whole thing.

• Micah did not stay gluten and sugar free while at his friend’s house for a couple of days. He came home with his skin broken out in a rash and his nose was running again.

• Noah went all week with my family in Michigan without his ADHD medication - which shows me that these dietary changes are helping to keep him more focused and in control. He continues to be free of headaches and stomach aches.

And our results from this week:
Rich: lost 1.8lbs for a total of 11.4lbs
Me: lost 1.4lbs for a total of 14.4lbs
Micah: gained some back from his illness weight loss but is still down a total of 8lbs.
Noah: lost a total of 4.2lbs

Richard and I may not be good at the dating scene, but we are good at this new lifestyle of ours. We have decided to continue this journey with another 30 days on the program. I cannot imagine going back to the way life was before this. We would love for you to join us! The next month starts up on March 5th. Let me know if you are interested or if you would like to get more information.

Week Two

Life is a battle; defeat is a choice when victory has been provided.

-- Matt Evans, Rockbridge Community Church

Week two results are in!
Me: down 3.8lbs; total 13lbs - no change in inches (belly)
Richard: down 3.4lbs; total 9.6lbs - no change in inches (belly)
Micah: down 3.6lbs; total 16.6lbs
Noah: he went to Michigan for winter break so his results to come

The stand off on Talon Drive hill has come to a peaceful end. Thinking that Micah would change his eating habits so drastically was an unrealistic expectation. I was so hopeful for that “Christmas Miracle”. We made a compromise that he did not have to do the full detox, as long as he remained gluten and sugar free. We found some really good gluten free, organic chicken nuggets and other gluten free and free of refined sugar foods that he is willing to eat. He has also said he will continue to try new foods. This hasn’t happened yet, but maybe.

The good news is that he continues to lose. He had a doctor appointment this past week and she has never been so happy. Between this and a growth spurt, his BMI has gone down 2.5%. I do not put too much emphasis on BMI because I think it is a bunch of hooey, but I could tell he felt good about how proud she was of his progress.

I am learning to stay in my circle of influence. I can control what goes on in our house, but it would drive me crazy if I tried to control his decisions at school, at a friend’s house, or in the real world. My hope is that he will decide on his own that feeling better is worth not eating the junk. He went to the dinner and the movies with a friend last night and he had chicken fingers and fries at dinner and a soft pretzel and water at the movies. While this made my eye twitch just a little, it is a HUGE improvement over what he would have done in the past. It’s progress in the right direction.

What is amazing is that his eczema is almost completely gone! He has more energy and is not sleeping as much and he is much more chill since he has changed his diet. Micah has alwasy been a real snotty child (literally). Every morning he would get up and his nose would just run constantly. It drove me crazy! Mostly because he would wipe it on the collar of his shirt instead of using a tissue and I would have to tell him to change his shirt every morning. I noticed mid week last week that I had not told him to change his shirt and I did not have to tell him the rest of the week. He has not had a runny nose at all!

Noah had a rough week. His emotional detox took place last week, which is probably best since I was so emotional the week before. He fought with Micah something awful and he was the one to pick the fight, which is unlike him. One night he just unloaded on Micah. Through his tears, years of pent up feelings came pouring out - frustrations and hurts that he has just buried and not dealt with. After he emotionally vomited all over Micah, he went for a run. When he came back I could tell that a weight had been lifted off of him.

Noah had the opportunity to go to Michigan with my mom and dad this week. It is good for him to have some time away from Micah and get special attention from our family. My parents usually have candy in their car for road trips so the car was dubbed the “candy car”. Noah says to them (they are doing the 30 day detox too), “I guess this is no longer the candy car. We will have to rename it “the organic car”. It will be interesting to see how he does on the detox while he is away from home. My sister did send me proof that he had his morning shake this morning!


The most rewarding part of the week for me is that I made it through Valentine’s day without eating anything sweet! I made some candy for Noah out of the chocolate protein powder, coconut oil, and almond butter - I had one and it was really good, but really rich. WHAAAAAA?? I NEVER thought I would EVER hear that phrase come out of my mouth, especially with regard to chocolate!!!

I traveled to one of the county offices for a meeting on Valentines day and there were donuts and candy everywhere. It surprised me that I didn’t have a desire to eat any of them. But, what really shocked me was the response I had when someone brought Burger King back to the office for lunch. The smell of it made me nauseated. I never thought the smell of fast food would make me feel like that. The next day I worked in a county office where they brought in pizza for lunch. While I was not tempted to eat it, I will admit that I stood in the room and deeply inhaled the smell several times!

Another crazy thing I have realized is that my ears have cleared up. For over a decade now, I have had eczema in my ears. They itched all the time and there was a constant cycle of scratching to the point of draining, scabbing over and then it would start over again. The worst part is that I thought I was losing my hearing. Richard often complained that I couldn’t hear him. I would tell him “it’s not my fault you mumble”, but I was afraid because it was becoming increasingly harder to hear. The saddest part, for me, was when I sang. I could no longer hear myself sing. It was like I was under water. This morning, I knew I was on pitch when I sang “Oh Praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead” because I could hear myself again!!! What a gift!

I put the quote from my pastor, Matt Evans, at the top of this post because it hit me right between the eyes this morning. Prior to these 30 days, I was walking around defeated. I was allowing depression and anxiety to overtake me on daily basis. Fear kept me in my comfort zone. I was afraid of being vulnerable, making connections with people, allowing God to use my gifts and talents. I actually felt like I did not have any gifts, talents, or personality to offer anyone.

I have energy. I am sleeping better. I am making connections with people; smiling more, reaching out, making conversation. I am not overcome by negative thoughts that were plaguing me night and day. As I have fueled my body with the foods God gave us to eat and as I rid my body of the foods the enemy is using to destroy us - I am walking more closely in the calling that God has for me. What a difference 14 days makes!

By the grace of God and the lack of toxins!

Senior year of high school I attended a graduation party where they had an artist drawing caricatures - a picture, description, or imitation of a person or thing in which certain striking characteristics are exaggerated in order to create a comic or grotesque effect. I still have mine - somewhere. It is a picture of me, running late for church.

It’s a common known fact that punctuality is not my forte. This is especially true when it comes to Sunday mornings. I have every intention of getting up early and having a morning like this: I listen to worship music while I sip on my coffee (er, I mean, detox tea). Then, I angelically sing to my children that it is time to rise and prepare to worship the Lord. The children will jump to their feet and off they will go to shower, dress, brush their hair and teeth, and put on their deodorant. I will ensure my makeup looks just right and my hair is flat ironed perfectly. We (husband included) magically appear at the front door at the same time, saunter down the front steps and into the car. We will get to the church in time to have a few conversations and find our seats before the countdown clock for the service begins.

But folks, the ugly truth spoken through that caricature has only been compounded by marriage and children. I am thankful we have a “come as you are” church because it is surprising we don’t roll up in our pj pants. Make up? Please. My hair is usually not even dry. The kids are whining and complaining. “Why do I have to brush my teeth? I did that four days ago.” “Why do I have to put deodorant on?” “My hair is fine. I don’t care if it is sticking up like a rooster’s comb.” By the time we make it to the car the kids are fighting, the service starts in ten minutes (we live 20 minutes away), and I am yelling “We are going to church and you are going to like it and you are going to be nice to each other and we are going to pretend like we are a nice normal family!!!!”

This past Sunday was different.

It was raining Saturday night when we went to bed. I told Richard I wanted to sleep with the window open so I could hear the rain. I had this urge to lean into this simple pleasure that I had been too distracted or stressed out to enjoy for quite some time now. There is something so satisfying about giving yourself permission to slow down and seek joy. Listening to a rainstorm/thunderstorm (without the threat of tornado or hurricane) is one of my favorite things to do. It reminds me of healing, cleansing, and renewal, but it can also be a reminder of God’s power. I slept really well Saturday night as the rain fell.

Sunday morning began more like my fantasy. I was up early. The kids got up without complaint. I was feeling really optimistic. We may actually make it in time to hear all of the worship music!

Noah came upstairs from his room and looked at me with a frown.
“What’s wrong, my sweet boy?”
“My room is wet.”
“Wet?”
“Yeah, wet. Like as in there is water on the floor.”

Richard and I went down to inspect. Sure enough, part of the garage and Noah's room were flooded!

I went upstairs and texted our Children’s ministry coordinator that we would not be there to serve in the nursery at noon. I changed my clothes, went back downstairs, plugged in the wet vac and got to the task at hand. A while later, Richard came down to take over. I looked at him and laughed. “At least it’s not sewage!” (note to self: make appointment with the septic company)

By God’s grace and the positive effects of this 30 day detox, we sucked up water for two days and I had zero emotional meltdowns, anxiety attacks, or migraines! Typically, this kind of thing would have sent me into “the sky is falling” mode. I wouldn’t want to react that way, but my anxiety would take over and you might as well rename me “Debbie Downer”.

Instead, I was able to laugh about it. I used the time to think and pray and gently remind myself that if I had called to have the gutters cleaned out a few months ago, like Richard asked, we would have been on time for church, probably singing Oceans. (note to self: make appointment with the gutter company)



You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where my feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans (or rainwaters) rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

--Hillsong United