We have found a new therapist for Micah. She asked to meet with just Richard and I the first time which was very encouraging. We had hoped to find a therapist who would partner with us and give us feedback on how best to help him. She met with us two weeks ago and after an hour (actually approximately 42 minutes, but I will get to that in a minute) she suggested Richard and I meet with her a few more times before meeting Micah. We agreed but slowly came to a realization. Meeting with us a few more times probably means the problem is not him….it’s us!
Ok, I will take ownership of that. This parenting thing does not come naturally to me. Me, the woman who paid $200 to a lactation consultant to learn how to do the one thing that is supposed to occur naturally between mom and baby. Parenting does not come naturally to me, especially parenting a special needs child. My pride was a little dented by what her invitation for therapy implied but inside I was thankful that someone had recognized our cries for professional help and extended a hand.
Let me get back to the reason why our first therapy session was cut short. The school has my number on speed dial and no sooner did we start diving past the surface, they sent out the “bat” signal. I explained that we had to leave to get Micah from school. He was banging his head on a window and refusing to move out of the middle of the hallway. “Ok, well I guess we are done here”, she said with a smile. We smiled back as if to say, “Welcome to our world.”
Micah was suspended for three days. He had thrown food in the cafeteria, thrown school supplies at a student, kicked a teacher, thrown over a desk and well, you know the rest. The kiddo pulled off the supreme suspension schedule. He got sent home that Friday. Monday was a holiday and he was not to return to the school until Friday. I do not understand what school suspension is supposed to be teaching the child, but that is a topic for another day.
One of the things we are working on with the therapist is getting Micah to connect emotionally to what he has done. We made him write apology notes to the teacher he kicked and to the class. You may think, “duh, that is lesson one in Parenting 101” but for Micah this task is exceptionally difficult. He has muscle weakness in his hands and does not grip his pencil the right way which causes a lot of pain when he writes. He HATES writing!
“Dear Mrs. ______, I’m sorry”.
We pushed. Why are you sorry?
“Dear Mrs. ________, I’m sorry for kicking you”.
We pushed harder. Why are you sorry for kicking her?
“Dear Mrs. ________, I’m sorry for kicking you. I know I hurt you.”
After a good hour I was satisfied with that. I think he connected emotionally….as much as he can.
“Good job honey. Now sign the letter – Love, Micah.”
“WHAT???? LOVE???”
“Dear Mrs. _________, I’m sorry for kicking you. I know I hurt you.” SINCERELY, Micah
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
The Resurrection
My mom suggested that I start a blog about our parenting experience. As I pondered the idea I realized that I already had a blog started. The blog was started back in 2008 but it did not have a focus. It was just a modge podge of life thoughts and as my thoughts became more complicated, the blog fizzled. So, I decided to pull up that old blog and try to resurrect it.
My last post was the night before my 34th birthday entitled “Not Knowing the Answer….”. Two years ago. I had no idea how much my life would change over the next two years. I had no idea that a short time from that post we would get information that would change the way we related to each other as a family, the way we related to the world. Just a couple of weeks after my 34th birthday we received the diagnosis of ASD, Autism Spectrum Disorder.
One would think that knowing the diagnosis would give us the answer I was seeking. That could not be farther from the truth. Many doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, IEPs….later we have more questions than answers. Autism is a crazy thing. I am leery to share our experience for two main reasons. My first fear is judgement. I struggle with the thought of others judging my family situation and my parenting. But, let's be honest...those of you who judge are going judge regardless of whether I write this blog. The second reason is because I do not want people to think I am generalizing. The saying could not be truer “When you have met one child with Autism….you have met one child with Autism”. A friend of ours says “that is why it is called a spectrum”!
Our experience with Autism may be very different from your experience or from the stories you have heard about the disorder. Some of my stories may ring true for those of you non-autism parents. Hopefully, by sharing our experience it will bring about awareness or maybe it will help some of you realize you are not alone in all of this.
So….here goes….
My last post was the night before my 34th birthday entitled “Not Knowing the Answer….”. Two years ago. I had no idea how much my life would change over the next two years. I had no idea that a short time from that post we would get information that would change the way we related to each other as a family, the way we related to the world. Just a couple of weeks after my 34th birthday we received the diagnosis of ASD, Autism Spectrum Disorder.
One would think that knowing the diagnosis would give us the answer I was seeking. That could not be farther from the truth. Many doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, IEPs….later we have more questions than answers. Autism is a crazy thing. I am leery to share our experience for two main reasons. My first fear is judgement. I struggle with the thought of others judging my family situation and my parenting. But, let's be honest...those of you who judge are going judge regardless of whether I write this blog. The second reason is because I do not want people to think I am generalizing. The saying could not be truer “When you have met one child with Autism….you have met one child with Autism”. A friend of ours says “that is why it is called a spectrum”!
Our experience with Autism may be very different from your experience or from the stories you have heard about the disorder. Some of my stories may ring true for those of you non-autism parents. Hopefully, by sharing our experience it will bring about awareness or maybe it will help some of you realize you are not alone in all of this.
So….here goes….
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